2/19/16

I was at a party about a year ago. It was my roommate's 22nd birthday party and we would often have a good time but she would also put me in some awkward situations (she would get high, try to convince me I should get high too even though she knows that I really do not enjoy being high, or taking me to parties where the cops might get called etc.). Anyways, so we were doing a thing were people would bring some booze or something to mix into it and we'd mix it all into a disgusting boozy mess. Not surprisingly I got pretty intoxicated. Not throwing up and blacking out intoxicated, but pleasantly. I was probably in no decision making sort of state but I was having a good time. Anyways so after some time spent with most people being intoxicated, my roommate went off to make out with a dude she was trying to get me to date (????), some chick was playing with the fake tail I was wearing, and eventually me and one of my roommate's good friends and his girlfriend ended up cuddling in a chair. So the majority of the evening was going well and I was spacing out in a pleasant boozy state while cuddling with these humans. The dude was definitely the cuddly bear type and I figured since his girlfriend was literally right there and all the cuddling was relatively platonic and non-sexual. I must have been wrong though because at some point I distinctly remember my boozy haze being interrupted by his fingers grading my crotch through my shorts. It didn't feel like a particularly significant event but I still sometimes look back and just feel uncomfortable about it. The fact that his girlfriend was right there almost makes it worse. Did she not see? Did she not care? Was she in on it too? I also just remember very vividly looking at him while he was doing it and he gave me some sort of weird smile like I was supposed to say thank you??? I ended up saying absolutely nothing and to this day writing it right here has been the first time I have ever acknowledged it. I feel like it's my fault because I didn't say yes but I didn't say no either. Again, I didn't even say anything. I just sat there and absorbed it. 

 The worst part is I feel like I should hate him but I don't because he's just in general fun to be around.
 
Another thing to note is that a couple months later after the event, he messaged me over facebook asking if I wanted to do a threesome with him and his girlfriend. And in all honesty if he hadn't had broken my trust prior I probably would have done it too. Not to mention his girlfriend is WICKED cute. Even now if I had the chance to just have sex with her I'd probably do it but I don't think that's gonna happen as she and le perp are a package deal.